He popped the question. She accepted his proposal.
Now what?
The first step, according to Stacy Golden, director of Family, Youth and Young Adult Ministry for the Archdiocese of Baltimore’s Institute for Evangelization, is to meet with your parish priest.
“It’s recommended that you don’t put the cart before the horse,” Golden said. “Always secure the church before you lock in a date with a venue.”
Because there is an average six-month preparation to be ready for the sacrament of matrimony, she explained, couples who desire to marry in the church need to meet with their priest who can reserve the church for a tentative date.
In addition to penciling in a date, engaged couples may be surprised to learn that the priest is also required to conduct a pre-marital investigation, a series of questions of both parties to make sure there are no “red flags” that might cause problems down the line.
The process differs with each parish, but there are some standard questions that need to be addressed, said Golden, and the answers will determine the details of what a Catholic wedding means, the gift of giving oneself to another for life.
There are variations depending on whether both individuals are Catholic, and whether one or both have been baptized and whether they have received all of the sacraments. In addition, if there are previous marriages, they must be investigated and annulments may be needed.
The church makes every effort to ensure that couples get off to a good start in their marriage. That’s the purpose of the various marriage preparation programs that are offered to the couple, and they may vary from individual meetings with a parish priest or deacon, to mentor couples’ meetings either individually or in a group setting, or even to an Engaged Encounter weekend retreat.
Golden explained that in some cases, with a proper dispensation and depending on the reason for the request, the wedding ceremony itself may be held at an approved non-sacred venue or outdoor location.
Traditionally, wedding invitations are sent out approximately two months in advance.
“Try to stay as organized as possible and if you have a sibling or relative who already has address information for the family members you want to invite to your wedding, reach out to them and ask if they can send you their list,” said Lindsey Gates, who married her husband, Justin, at Holy Cross in Federal Hill Feb. 18.
As if all these details aren’t overwhelming, there are still questions about the timing of the ceremony, the venue selected for the reception, photographers, videographers, flowers for the wedding and reception, the menu, the wedding cake, a band versus a DJ and much more. With all these details to be addressed, it is not surprising that many couples choose to hire a wedding planner.
Maureen Cromer-White, owner of MW Events and Designs, said she has dealt with people who book a reception venue anywhere from six to 18 months in advance.
“For many, it’s the best way to be sure all the details are taken care of, and the bride and groom won’t have to be bothered with the details on the day of the wedding,” said Cromer-White, former social media coordinator for the Archdiocese of Baltimore and the Catholic Review. “You get a timeline in place, first the priest or deacon, then the venue and then everyone involved is coordinated and you know the flow of the day.”
One important suggestion Cromer-White offered is that couples introduce the members of their wedding party to one another months before the wedding. That way, couples will be surrounded by people who know one another and are committed to seeing that the special day is the best possible.
Getting vendors that you can trust is just as important, she added.
“If you can’t get the one you want, search for one that is comparable,” she said. “Don’t settle. Meet with them to make sure your ideas align with theirs.”
She cautions people to remember that this is your wedding day, and you need to do what makes you happy.
“It’s all about what is special and magical to you,” Cromer-White said. “Surround yourself with people who love you the most.
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