No one told Peter Eibner what kind of crowd it would be. All the Baltimore standup comic knew was that he had 15 minutes to make people laugh as the opening act for a popular band appearing in Pennsylvania.
Mr. Eibner sensed he was in trouble the moment he stepped onstage and looked out into a sea of incredulous faces impatient to hear the screechings of a heavy metal group called Slaymaker.
“Look at me,” Mr. Eibner remembered with a wry smile. “I’m like a dorky white guy and I’m in the middle of this Hell’s Angels convention and coming up on stage doing Hulk Hogan impressions.”
It wasn’t long before a biker heckled the young comic. Always quick with a comeback, Mr. Eibner told the heckler to try talking with his teeth in.
A few minutes later, Mr. Eibner glanced down and noticed that his antagonist had maneuvered his way to the front row, where he calmly waved a switchblade in Mr. Eibner’s direction.
“At that point I said, ‘thank you and goodnight,’” Mr. Eibner remembered. “I lasted four minutes and 30 seconds.”
These days, some 10 years after that perilous early performance, Mr. Eibner is getting a lot more laughs than death threats.
A well-known comic who is frequently heard on WIYY 98 Rock in Baltimore, the 1988 graduate of Archbishop Curley High School, Baltimore, appears at the Comedy Factory Outlet and local pubs.
He and some buddies are putting together a local television show called “The Whopping Sea Bass Ravens’ Report,” which will air on WNUV-TV 54 during the football season. The show will take gentle and not-so-gentle jabs at opposing teams.
Mr. Eibner has also appeared as the opening act for Drew Carey, Jackie Martling and Dave Chappelle.
Nobody in the Bible named Al
All the comic’s performances draw on his everyday experiences as a husband and father of three who is a big sports fan. Mr. Eibner’s Catholic faith plays an important role as well, providing material for his shows and giving him a framework for using comedy to give back to the community.
Mr. Eibner’s father was the founder of Joseph’s, a Catholic religious goods store located within walking distance from the family’s home parish of St. Dominic on Hartford Road. Angela Figiel, Mr. Eibner’s sister, now runs the shop.
“They called it Joseph’s, but my dad’s name was Al,” Mr. Eibner noted. “Al’s the guy that sells us stereo equipment, not the guy you buy a miraculous medal from. So since there wasn’t anybody in the Bible named Al, they named it Joseph’s.”
There is a lot humor found in being Catholic, Mr. Eibner said. He tries to draw on that humor in a respectful way.
“Just look at the three wise men,” he explained. “They got gold, frankincense and myrrh. Who gives a baby myrrh? It sounds like there were two wise men and somebody forgot to bring a gift.”
Mr. Eibner remembered how two nuns laughed hysterically throughout one of his shows.
“I think the nuns today are a lot nicer,” he observed. “Maybe it’s because they can’t fly anymore.”
Mr. Eibner described his comedy as PG-13 or R-rated depending on his audience. He doesn’t use a lot of profanity, but will sometimes throw it in for effect.
Comedy is enjoyable because it allows him to feed off the energy of other people’s laughter, Mr. Eibner said.
“I’m a very insecure person,” he said. “I like the fact that I can go out in front of a room full of strangers, talk about my insecurities and have a bunch of people who don’t know me like me.”
The financial adviser added with a mischievous smile: “I like the money. The money’s always good. And if I didn’t mention it already, I like the money.”
Comedy with a Cause
A lot of that money is directed toward charity. Mr. Eibner began his own charitable outreach project in 1999 called “Comedy With a Cause.” Healthcare for the Homeless, the Ronald McDonald House and St. Jude’s Children’s Cancer Research are among the groups that have benefited from the program.
The comic is now looking at ways to help children with autism.
“God gave Ben Carson the talent to fix people’s brains,” Mr. Eibner said. “He didn’t give me that talent. He did give me a talent to make people laugh. It’s about doing something that I think he would want me to do.”
Mr. Eibner said he knows he has made it by the fact that he was interviewed by The Catholic Review.
“I told my mother about this interview, and she is very excited,” he said, noting that his mother is a daily Mass communicant who lives at the Oakcrest Retirement Community.
“I told her I have a TV show coming up,” he explained. “She wasn’t impressed. I told her I’m headlining now and doing real well. She wasn’t impressed. But I told her The Catholic Review was talking to me and she’s like, ‘you finally made it!’ Man, this is a career highlight!”
Email George Matysek at gmatysek@CatholicReview.org
Copyright © 2004 Catholic Review Media
