Catholic Review

Inspiring the Archdiocese of Baltimore

Nicolas Holland (right) poses with Marek Lawera at the St. Paul II Seminary in Washington, D.C. Both are parishioners of Church of the Nativity in Timonium and seminarians preparing for the priesthood with the Archdiocese of Baltimore. (Courtesy Nicolas Holland)

Answered prayers, new beginnings


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Special to the Catholic Review Filed Under: Commentary, Vocations

It was the end of my first week of classes as a new seminarian at St. John Paul II Seminary in Washington, D.C., when discouragement hit me hard. I remember sitting in my dorm, wondering, “What am I doing here? Am I really meant to be a priest?” 

The doubt was heavy and unexpected. Unsure what else to do, I felt a quiet nudge to pray. So, I hopped on my bike and rode down to the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception just up the road from the seminary.

In the quiet of the crypt church beneath the main sanctuary, I knelt and poured my heart out to God: “Why am I here? What’s your plan for me? Please, just give me a sign.” 

A few moments later, I noticed a woman sitting nearby. To my surprise, she moved closer and began speaking to me. She asked if I was a Catholic University of America student, and when I told her I was – but also a seminarian – her face lit up.

“God bless you for choosing to give your life for God,” she told me. “There will be times during your discernment that you will doubt yourself, but that is just the devil trying to make you quit, so never give up and remember what you’re here for.”

I was in total awe. I couldn’t believe that my prayers were answered in real time. I felt like I had this phone and God was on the other line listening to me.

Since that day, I’ve carried that encounter with me. Whenever doubts arise, I remember how clearly God showed his presence that afternoon.

This fall marks not only the start of a new school year, but the beginning of my seminary journey. Just a few months ago, I was sitting in a high school classroom. Now I’m studying and living alongside one of America’s great Catholic universities. Over the summer, I was blessed with a parish assignment at St. John the Evangelist in Severna Park, where I experienced daily prayer, rectory life and the joy of serving God’s people.

Even so, the journey to the seminary wasn’t easy. Independence, new faces and the weight of discernment can be overwhelming. But through prayer, adoration and reception of the Eucharist, I’ve learned to trust that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

It’s easy to think, “Oh, if I join the seminary, it automatically means I will be a priest.” This just is not correct. The whole reason why we young men decided to join the seminary is to discern what God is calling us to do. He knows the plan for each of us, and it’s just a matter of trusting him and being patient as he reveals it.

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