Couples discuss importance of Catholic marriage

The number of Catholics getting married in the church has fallen dramatically in recent decades. There were 347,179 Catholic sacramental marriages in the United States in 1965. That number plummeted to 98,354 by 2022, even as the general population increased, according to Georgetown University’s Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate.

The Catholic Review sat down with two couples soon to be married in the Catholic Church to find out why they want to receive the sacrament of matrimony.

Jess and Ben

Growing up both as parishioners of St. Margaret in Bel Air, Jessica Hurtt, 28, and Benjamin Schiavone, 27, are sure they crossed paths early in life. They remember their first meeting at ages 9 and 8. Hurtt, visiting her friend (and Schiavone’s neighbor), saw Schiavone playing soccer on the pavement.

“I yelled at him,” Hurtt said, “that he was playing soccer incorrectly – he was going to ruin the tread of his soccer ball.”

Hurtt said that meeting showcased their personalities: she is now a third-grade teacher – and the soccer coach – at the School of the Cathedral in Homeland. Schiavone is a real estate auditor.

Fast-forward from that first meeting to Hurtt, a freshman at Mount St. Mary’s University in Emmitsburg, visiting home. Schiavone’s mother asked if he could get information on the school. Hurtt offered for him to visit; he accepted, and then attended the Mount. The two ran in different circles until a chance encounter on Valentine’s Day of Hurtt’s senior and Schiavone’s junior year. Following were Mount Cafe meetups where they found themselves talking for hours.

Their friendship grew organically until they officially started dating after Hurtt’s graduation in 2017. Five and a half years later, Schiavone proposed.

They are to be married at the Chapel of the Immaculate Conception at the Mount in June.

 ‘Safe place’

 The couple has been preparing for marriage with their celebrant, Father Justin Gough, associate pastor of the cathedral.

Schiavone asked Father Gough for “the real deal” when it came to marriage prep. Though he was a little anxious about starting, that quickly faded.

“He’s not here to evaluate whether we should be getting married, he’s here to help us and shepherd us to that moment,” Schiavone said.

Hurtt opened their first meeting with a discussion on Ephesians 5:24-25, “As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her.”

In that meeting, Schiavone teared up.

“I felt very much aligned with my vocation in that moment,” Schiavone said. “This is what I’m being called to do and this is real.”

Hurtt said she would feel lost without the church as a “safe place” and “foundation.”

“You’re answering a call by getting married in the church; you’re making a covenant with God that you’re going to … build his kingdom here on earth,” Hurtt said. “If there’s a quiet whisper or knock on your heart to get married in the church, follow it. … Preparing to receive this sacrament will open your eyes to the beauty of the tradition of marriage in the Catholic Church.”

Father Gough said Hurtt and Schiavone truly understand that marriage is not just something they want for themselves, but something Christ wants for them.

“Not every couple seeks out the sacrament of marriage because of their deep faith in Christ and with the understanding that he is calling them to a vocation,” Father Gough said. “For (Hurtt and Shiavone), I think that changes everything.”

Laura and Joe

Joe Szczybor, 28, had recently returned to the United States after a year and a half teaching with the Society of Our Lady of the Most Holy Trinity in Belize when he met Laura Camarata, 30, at his sister’s birthday party in 2019. Camarata had been a missionary at a Catholic children’s home in rural Honduras since her graduation in 2016.

“Both of us had very meaningful experiences in our respective Central American countries and felt that during that time that we were really living our faith in a robust way,” said Camarata, a clinical social worker and parishioner of St. Jerome in Hyattsville.

Szczybor and Camarata lost touch after the pandemic hit. It was not until January 2022 that they reconnected, when Szczybor, now a data scientist, invited Camarata and her friends to a party.

None could attend, but Camarata followed up with a text, and they picked up right where they left off – discussing the challenges of reacclimating after their time in Central America. In particular, they connected over their shared desire for Christian community.

Szczybor and Camarata are to be married in May at Szczybor’s parish, the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary in Baltimore, on Szczybor’s birthday.

‘Holiness and happiness’

Szczybor and Camarata were both raised Catholic, he a parishioner of St. Agnes in Catonsville and Our Lady of Perpetual Help in Ellicott City, and she in the Kansas City area. 

“We’re grateful for the ways we were both formed in our faith then … met each other and continued to enrich each other’s relationship with God,” Camarata said. “(It’s a) plug for divine providence and God’s generosity.”

Faith is a central part of their lives as individuals, Szczybor said, so it is natural that it is central to their relationship.

“We really believe that a life of holiness and happiness is rooted in these … relationships where we are committed to each other,” Szczybor said. “(Those) are the ones we’re really made for.”

The graces of the sacrament of marriage, he said, will help them succeed.

“We can’t do it by ourselves,” Szczybor said. “We really need God’s grace in all things, but particularly in this committed relationship of love.”

In Szczybor and Camarata’s preparation for marriage with the wedding Mass celebrant, Father Steven Roth, director of vocations of the Archdiocese of Baltimore, the priest has encouraged the couple to pray out loud, together, from the heart.

“That’s been a beautiful thing so far,” Szczybor said. “(It) has been challenging and vulnerable, but beautiful and good.”

The couple has also drawn from the experience of close married friends, asking intentional questions on topics such as praying together, raising children and balancing responsibilities.

It all circles back to the theme of Christian community. Szczybor and Camarata hope to live closely with other families and individuals also living a life of faith.

“We want other people to encourage us and challenge us, and pray with us and for us,” Camarata said, adding that they have been cultivating relationships that prioritize prayer, worship and theological conversations.

“We want our whole marriage to be a living out of our love for God,” Szczybor said.

As for Central America? Szczybor and Camarata have no plans to move back, but hope to visit soon.

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