Getting adult children to Christmas Mass

There are two kinds of families that I notice at Christmas Mass. The first are those with young children dressed up in their best Christmas finery, excited about the whole day. The kids sing the songs they know with enthusiasm. They admire the array of Christmas trees and poinsettias in the sanctuary. They rush to visit the creche after Mass to see the baby Jesus.

The second kind are with the older children who may not have darkened a church doorway since the previous Christmas. They are often dressed casually, as if to signal they aren’t planning to go overboard. They might like the songs, but they stare off vacantly during the homily. They exude an air of “when will this be over?”

I’ve been father to both types of families. I know what it is like to have adult children continue to practice the faith they were raised with, and I know what it’s like to have children who feel distant from the church and religion in general.

Christmas, more than any other time of the year, is when these two types of families come together. Awkward, and sometimes even as argumentative as such moments are, we must not underestimate the importance of inviting them to join us at Mass.

God has no grandchildren, the saying goes. Each generation has to come to the faith themselves. We parents can try our best to get them on what we believe is the right path, but there are no guarantees.

It’s a tough time to be a Catholic parent these days. While there are some young adults who are embracing their Catholicism, often even its most traditional manifestations, the much larger number of Catholic younger adults have at best a tenuous connection with the faith of their father and mother.

Lest we think this is just a Catholic problem, religious practice in this country is in decline overall. A recent study of time usage in the United States found that 83% of Americans do not do anything religious on Sundays. That includes praying. Lots of adults are setting a poor example.

Among millennials and Zoomers (Gen Z), more than one-third now identify themselves as nones, having no religious affiliation.

This is the riptide that our Catholic families are swimming in. The culture seems to be heading one way, while we struggle to head in another. This is not news to church leaders. At their recent meeting in Baltimore, the U.S. bishops adopted a new “mission directive.” According to OSV News, it “commits USCCB committees and staff to prioritize in their work ‘evangelizing those who are religiously unaffiliated or disaffiliated from the Church, with special focus on young adults and the youth.'”

The bishops know something’s not working. It’s less clear if they know what will work, but lots of dads and moms are hoping they do.

From sex abuse to LGBT rights, there are lots of arguments offered up as to why many young people are dissatisfied with the church. But often the issues aren’t ideological. Just like many adults, apparently, they have too many distractions, too many weekend chores, too much social media. Sleeping in beats getting up for Mass.

So what can we as parents do? Keep quietly inviting our kids to join us for Mass on Christmas or Easter or even when they are in town and visiting. It doesn’t have to be a pitched battle. Just an invitation. None of us knows when the Mass they say is boring becomes a consolation, when the spark will blow into a flame.

Faith is a gift. God is the giver. Mom and Dad are just the helpers sometimes. Yet our faithfulness still matters.

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