How to talk with kids about cancer

With Pope Leo’s recent diagnosis and extra prayers for the Holy Father added to every parish’s Prayers of the Faithful, conversations on cancer have taken center stage. Adults might be wondering how to share such news with children, whether kids have heard prayers for the pope or a family member is facing a difficult diagnosis.

According to the American Cancer Society, 1 in 3 Americans will be diagnosed with cancer in their lifetime. While the statistic is shocking, cancer therapies have also improved tremendously, turning many forms of cancer into a treatable disease and increasing survival rates.

But how do we talk to children and those who struggle to comprehend a diagnosis or fear that it means death? Most importantly, how can we bring our own health concerns to God in prayer, trusting that we will be heard and held even when physical healing may not come as we hope?
As a child whose brother was diagnosed with a rare sarcoma when I was 8 and died when I was 10, I grew up with cancer. But as a mother of five who faced breast cancer in my early 40s, I have also learned how this disease can be survived.

From both sides — as a child and a parent — I know the importance of facing hard questions with compassion, curiosity and care. Though I’m not a child psychologist, chaplain or therapist, I have learned from experts and experienced parents alike how to address the practical, emotional and spiritual questions that cancer raises.

First, everyone needs explanations at their level. Young children may worry that cancer is contagious or automatically brings death. Explaining a diagnosis simply — that bodies get sick but doctors and scientists work to find the best ways to help — can give perspective. Kids need repetition and reassurance as they process over time. Checking in regularly to see if they have questions or concerns can help families to stay connected. One of our refrains became “God made our bodies to heal,” which speaks to everything from scraped knees to surgeries.

Adults may leap to offer well-meaning encouragement. But spiritual explanations are often overly simplified. Rather than insisting that suffering will be a blessing in disguise or “everything happens for a reason,” offer to pray for the sick.

Check in after the initial shock has passed. Job’s friends give the best support when they sit with him in silence: “None of them spoke a word to him; for they saw how great was his suffering” (Jb 2:13). Kids may not want to talk directly about their worries, but spending time together is their love language.

Second, practical concerns are the most pressing. When friends or family say, “Let me know what I can do,” it’s unhelpful. As in grief, the person at the epicenter can rarely articulate what they need. Instead start with the basics: meals, childcare, gift cards for gas or groceries, assistance with transportation, or a special game or treat for kids. Simeon of Cyrene offers a concrete example: He took up Jesus’ cross rather than trying to explain away what was happening.

Finally, let kids know that God can handle all our questions, anger, sorrow or fear. The gift of the Incarnation means we have a God who has suffered the pains of a human body. While Jesus never experienced a complex disease like cancer, he healed countless people who were suffering from the same ailments that have plagued humanity from the beginning.

Reminding children (and adults) that we can bring our deepest needs and concerns to God is a powerful way to face suffering as families, communities and the universal Church. The God who counts the hairs on every head surely wants to hear a child’s prayers for grandma’s cancer, a teenager’s worries about a sick classmate or a parish’s concerns for its members.

Whenever we pray for Pope Leo, we can remember to pray for all the sick in our families, churches and communities. Suffering was never meant to be faced alone, and together we can hold each other in the hope of healing.

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