For the 19th consecutive year on Memorial Day, the extended Potocki family will gather at St. Stanislaus Cemetery in Dundalk to pay tribute to the memory of Michael Joseph “Mikey” Potocki. He had served his country honorably at war in Iraq as a sniper in the U.S. Army, before he died June 26, 2006, nearly four months after his 21st birthday.
Potocki, who was killed by a sniper in Al Anbar, Iraq, died shortly before his scheduled discharge from the Army. He had planned to become a police officer.
Led by Deborah Potocki – Michael’s mom and a Gold Star Mother – the family will pray for him during a graveside ceremony and reminisce about the loving, caring, fun young man he was, while the younger grandchildren and cousins look curiously at his headstone and play innocently amongst themselves and family pets.
Following that peaceful, contemplative scene, they will be joined at the nearby Potocki home by additional friends and family for a traditional holiday cookout.
“It’s sad, but never ‘sad sad’ now (on Memorial Day). Being at the cemetery is very helpful for all of us. The point is (the family) is there. We pray. We spend time just talking about him. We decorate and clean Mikey’s headstone. It’s nice,” said Potocki, a parishioner at St. Casimir in Canton.
“Mikey was so loved. (His death) was devastating for me and a lot of family and friends. He had a heart of gold that he wore on his sleeve. He was always a little mush bucket. He wanted to serve his country so badly.”
The mission of American Gold Star Mothers Inc., an organization of mothers such as Potocki who have lost loved ones in military service, is to find strength in the fellowship of other Gold Star Mothers who strive to keep the memories of their fallen sons and daughters alive.
That mission is deeply personal for Potocki and others like her in Maryland, including fellow Catholic Gold Star Mothers Theresa Karlson of Howard County and Mary Jane Walton of Montgomery County. For them, Memorial Day is not just a national observance – it is a sacred time to reflect on their loss and honor the enduring legacy of their children.
Gold Star Mothers across the country volunteer thousands of hours each year to lift veterans, active-duty military and their families by providing economic and social support. Gold Star Families share a special understanding of the pain experienced with the loss of a child. They offer each other friendship and a shoulder to cry on.
“Not only is Memorial Day about my son. It is (also) about all the heroes who made the ultimate sacrifice, and those who survived wars and gave so much of their lives and time, in service to their country,” said Karlson, a retiree who serves as secretary on the National Executive Board of AGSM. She is formerly a parishioner St. Mary’s of the Mills in Laurel.
“I don’t know what I would do without the (Gold Star Mothers) group, if I needed somebody to talk to. It is great to be together. We respect each other. They understand,” she added.
Karlson lost her older of two sons, Eugene Clifton Mills III, 21, June 22, 2012. He was a lance corporal in the U.S. Marine Corps. He was shot and killed by a sniper in the Helmand province of Afghanistan, one month from the end of his second deployment. He is buried in Arlington National Cemetery in Virginia.
Like Spc. Potocki, Lance Cpl. Mills was inspired to join the military to defend America against terrorism, in the wake of the 9/11 attacks.
“My son was one who could not stand for injustice,” Karlson said.
Walton, a retired teacher, lost her son, Army Lt. Col. James Joseph Walton, 41, June 21, 2008, in the Kandahar province of Afghanistan. Walton died of wounds sustained when his vehicle encountered an improvised explosive device and small-arms fire. He is also buried at Arlington.
“We had just gotten to Rehoboth Beach in Delaware for a week of vacation, when my daughter-in-law called and said Jim had been killed. It put us in shock,” said Walton, who belongs to St. Patrick Parish in Rockville.
“Thank God for our Catholic religion. That helped us get through a lot of (grief). I always pray for Jim going up and down the elevator (at home),” Walton added.
“The first year (after losing her son) is definitely the hardest. After that, it’s not as vivid as when you feel it every day, all day. But you never get over it,” she said. “We (Gold Star Moms) don’t talk about our children very much, but we all know what’s in the back of everybody’s mind. The moms who come to meet us for the first few times need hugs and reassurance the most.”
The ability to serve injured, handicapped, rehabilitating veterans by visiting VA hospitals or accompanying them on a golf outing is something that Gold Star Mothers enjoy, even crave. It’s not unusual for the moms to bring hefty amounts of home-baked cookies or other treats on a regular basis to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in Bethesda.
“We love to help our veterans. We are paying it forward for our children,” Karlson said.
“I used to go with the group every Saturday and work with the Wounded Warriors at Walter Reed, but I can’t get there much anymore,” said Walton, who still volunteers at two golf events that benefit veterans each year. “It’s great to help them with their golf games, or just socialize with them, make them feel at home.”
“When I retire in the next few years, I will be spending a lot more time at Walter Reed,” Potocki said. “I love it there. I love taking my baked cookies to them and visiting with the patients. I will be taking a lot more day trips.”
Each of the Gold Star Mothers said their faith played a major role in helping them to deal with the intensity of their losses.
“When my son was killed, I was very angry with God. Even though I knew he wanted to serve, why did God take him at 21? But I still believe in God and the Catholic Church and what they do,” Karlson said. “I am so looking forward to the day when I can see Gene again. And I know that will happen.”
Potocki credited St. Casimir Parish and God for helping her to cope with her terrible loss.
“The people at St. Casimir’s are always there for you, ready to help and do whatever they can for you. I love it there,” Potocki said. “I was not mad at God for taking Mikey so young. I think it was an honor that Mikey was chosen. During his funeral at St. Casimir’s, I looked up at Jesus on the cross and told Jesus that he’d better take good care of him.”
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