Catholic Review

Inspiring the Archdiocese of Baltimore

Pictured is Rita Buettner with her father. (Courtesy photo)

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Filed Under: Commentary, The Domestic Church

When I was in college, my father would give me a ride back to school after being on breaks at home. Those were good 90-minute trips in the car, as we would drive north from Baltimore, listening to music and talking.

I remember that my father shared words of advice – everything from driving tips to pointers on life and relationships. Soon enough, we would arrive in Lancaster, and I would say goodbye, climb out of the car, and head off to my dorm.

One Sunday night, though, after my father dropped me off, I realized I had left my backpack at home. I had classes the next morning, and everything I needed was in my backpack. I didn’t know what I was going to do.

Fortunately, fathers are problem solvers. When I called my dad to tell him, he said he would drop my backpack on his way to work in the morning.

Now, if you look at a map, you will see that Lancaster, Pa., is not at all on the way to work for a man who lives in Baltimore and works in Aberdeen. It must have added hours to his morning commute. But my father was going to make sure I had my books for school. And, even though he must have woken up before dawn to make that Monday morning trek, he did it without complaint. I made it to my Monday morning class with my binders and textbooks, thanks to my father.

I’ll never know whether he fell asleep at work that day.

I just know I was grateful at the time. And I am sure I thanked my dad for coming through for me. But I don’t think it was until I was a parent that I appreciated just how much you will do to make sure your children have what they need.

You give up countless hours of sleep, rearrange your day and drive extra miles to make sure your children have the laptop they left at home, the blazer they forgot in the closet or the biology homework that had to be turned in today. You sit through rainy soccer games and clear your calendar for back-to-school nights.

You rearrange your day to address urgent needs, whether to get to the pediatrician or make an emergency trip to the store for craft supplies for a school project someone suddenly remembered.

You can’t fix every problem. But when you can, you take that extra step. You fill the gap. You drop what you had planned and focus on addressing the more pressing issue. You show up with just what your child needs.

I know there are people who say that a child learns best when they need to deal with the consequences. But I think there are enough hard consequences in life. The lessons I want to teach my children are to respond with compassion. I want them to know that when they fall, someone will be there to lend them a hand. I want them to feel supported and loved – and I want them to do the same for others.

My father didn’t make me less responsible by making that trip with my backpack. Instead, his action showed me how much he loved me. His sacrifice made me realize – yet again – how important my education and my success were to him. And he showed me how to be a parent when your child makes a mistake. He responded with love and mercy, kindness and compassion, and the gift of his time.

Our Father in heaven responds in those same ways, again and again, forgiving us when we stumble, guiding us back when we take the wrong path, and loving us unconditionally through all of it.

“The greater my unworthiness, the more abundant his mercy,” St. Elizabeth Ann Seton said.

How blessed we are to be so loved, deeply and fully, and to know that God will always provide what we need.

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