The tender theology of lullabies

When I was a child, I thought I was the luckiest kid in the world because I got four lullabies sung to me every night — one each from my mother, father, sister and brother. I can still hear their voices — soprano, alto, tenor and bass — singing my favorite songs.

To be loved like that, so specifically and tenderly, night after night, year after year, was one of the strongest shaping influences from my childhood. But it wasn’t until I started singing lullabies to my own children that I realized the power of this bedtime ritual.

Lullabies sing a tender theology, soft words of love and comfort to remind a child they are safe and cherished, all through the night. Lately I’ve been musing on the words I sing to my youngest children in the dark, and I realized that their favorite songs hold deep truths of our faith.

“Tender Shepherd” sings of God as the Good Shepherd watching over us. The Shaker song “Simple Gifts” gives thanks for forgiveness and the gift of turning back to each other in love. Even “Frère Jacques” sings of waking with the morning bells, the monastery’s call to prayer.

With gentle rocking rhythms, generations of parents have hushed their children to sleep with the same songs, the tunes we know by heart, the words we heard from our elders, the gifts we now pass to our young.

Lullabies stretch back for centuries. Today I sing a song to my youngest that my grandmother sang to me. In the mystery of the communion of saints, I feel her love with me in the well-worn words: “Now run along home, jump into your bed, say your prayers, and cover your head.”

Not every family sings lullabies of course. But bedtime rituals and nighttime prayers are common across cultures, the routines that help children (and adults) settle down for sleep. A therapist once told me that the same routines that help to calm children — rocking in the dark to gentle music — can help adults struggling with anxiety, too. Our bodies remember the first rhythms of comfort, starting with the soft swaying within our mother’s womb, her heartbeat our first lullaby.

Lullabies even evoke what is central to our Catholic liturgies: remembering God’s faithfulness through daily prayers and practices. The beauty of making music together. The traditions that anchor us in a turbulent world. The rituals that make us who we are.

Let it be known that bedtime traditions need not compete with high church rituals. (I have also been singing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” to our 8-year-old for a year now.) But what matters is giving a child your full attention for a few moments each night, reminding them that they are seen, known and loved.

No matter our age or stage of life, the smallest moments matter most in love. A morning cup of coffee waiting for your spouse. A text to a friend on a hard day. A favorite dish cooked every family holiday. A sidewalk shoveled by a kind neighbor. In our unsettling world, gentle rituals and loving gestures keep us grounded.

God loves us in small, specific ways, too. The morning sunrise we catch with awe. The song on the radio that lifts our spirits. A line of Scripture that makes us sit up and pay attention. A hug from a friend when we need it most. God moves in gentle, daily moments like the still, small voice that whispered to Elijah.

The greatest gift of my life has been mothering my children, singing them songs of love through the years. The deepest hope of my heart is that the memory of that tender love will linger with them long after I am gone, just like a lullaby echoing in the hushed dark.