As any parent will understand, praying well at Mass with three children is not easy — or sometimes, even possible. There’s always a question about some ritual or phrase in a reading or a sippy cup dropped on the pew in front of you or just basic struggles of concentration. Oh, the distractions!
While praying as I’d like is far from reality most days, I’ve put my hope in the understanding that I’m planting seeds in the lives of my children that will continue to grow throughout a lifetime. I hope that the faith lived in our “domestic church” helps them to be aware of God’s presence in their lives and equips them with what is necessary to nurture and develop a relationship with him.
The challenges of praying well during Mass are not restricted to parents. Each of us experiences times of prayer that might be considered “dry” or “empty.” Sometimes this is because we aren’t sure what we’re doing or why we do it. Sometimes it’s because we are unfocused and distracted. Sometimes we are oblivious to those around us. A lot of the time, we don’t pray well because we have not fostered good habits that allow us to do so. Praying at Mass with three little kids has helped me realize the value of this in new ways.
A line from the late Cardinal Francis E. George lingers in my mind as I endeavor to help my little people build habits in the practice of the faith, and I think it can be useful to all of us who hope to do the same. Cardinal George, one of the most impressive and inspiring American bishops in the last century, was once asked how he was able to remain tethered to Christ and his church so effectively. George, who died in 2015, thought for a while before he answered simply: “habit.”
Habit can give us an opportunity to deepen our reverence. Habit isn’t an absent-minded action. Habit, rather, presents the opportunity for reflection and limits us from distractions. Habit can help us to see how God makes himself present to us in the life of the church.
By its nature, much of our ritual lends itself to becoming habitual. Through the building of good habits, we allow God to be present in our lives in new and profound ways.
Consider the readings at Mass. Could we make a habit of reverencing God present in his word by spending time with the Sunday Mass readings? Is there a day in the week when we could make it a habit to listen to God more attentively and recognize his presence and his love and desire for us? What other good habits can we cultivate throughout the week to make Mass a place where we can sense God’s presence and love for us?
Times of silence can be more of a distraction for some, especially when we are not used to it. How could we make a plan for how to use that time more effectively so that God can be present to us?
For instance, instead of falling into the trap of watching others move through the Communion line after we’ve received the sacrament, what habit could we develop to deepen our relationship with God? Perhaps an examination of conscience? Perhaps a review of the day’s Gospel reading? Perhaps the recitation of memorized prayers that can help us to appreciate what God’s presence means in our lives?
When my kids get anxious when they have to do something specific at Mass, I always tell them: Watch others. Get to Mass a few minutes early and see how others act, behave and move in God’s presence in church. Ask a friend from church what helps them experience God’s presence more profoundly. We are a communion of believers, and we can reinforce and strengthen each other. Make it a habit to learn from our brothers and sisters.
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