Abuse survivor reflects on John Merzbacher’s death

One day after the Maryland Department of Public Safety and Correctional Services announced that notorious child rapist John Merzbacher died in prison at the Eastern Correctional Institution in Westover, Elizabeth Ann Murphy walked the grounds of the former Catholic Community School of South Baltimore in Locust Point May 15.

It was inside the old school building where Merzbacher, a lay teacher at the Catholic elementary school, repeatedly raped and tortured her when she was a child. Other students also suffered at his hands.  

When he died at age 81, Merzbacher was serving four life sentences for his crimes against Murphy.

Murphy, who grew up at St. Mary, Star of the Sea Parish in South Baltimore, said she was notified of her tormentor’s May 13 death in an email message and multiple messages on her voicemail by the prison system. When she woke up Sunday morning, that was the first thing she read.

“In some ways, Merzbacher is more free today than I am,” said Murphy, who took a day off from her position working in the Maryland Department of Health to reflect and pray. She also spent part of the day on the grounds of nearby Fort McHenry.

“I no longer have to fear him,” she explained. “He’s in God’s hands.”

Murphy, 62, remembered that the day Merzbacher was sentenced in 1995, she read a victim impact statement. She looked directly at her abuser and told him she received no pleasure seeing him in shackles that day because she “wished none of it had ever happened.”

“And I get no pleasure from his death because I wish none of it had happened,” she said. “It still doesn’t restore my childhood.”

For years, Murphy has prayed for Merzbacher daily. She long ago forgave him for his many crimes, she said. She did it because it’s what Christ commands, she said.

“We know what our Lord calls us to,” she said, her voice cracking with emotion, “and it isn’t easy. It’s not something Liz does. It is the grace of God that allows me to do this.”

The love and power of God transcends all things, Murphy insisted.

The abuse survivor said the first person she notified of Merzbacher’s death was Baltimore Auxiliary Bishop Adam J. Parker. The bishop has been supportive of her over the years, she said, and she asked him to pray for her, for Merzbacher and for Merzbacher’s family. Murphy expressed particular concern for Merzbacher’s daughter as she prepared to bury her father.

Murphy, who felt abandoned by the Catholic Church as she spent years calling for justice for victim-survivors, said she has lived in turmoil in the months preceding and following the April release of the Maryland Attorney General’s recent report on child sexual abuse in the Archdiocese of Baltimore.

She wishes church leaders would do more to recognize the pain victim-survivors have endured, she said.

In a May 14 statement following Merzbacher’s death, the Archdiocese of Baltimore said: “Now, as always, is an important time to keep those victim-survivors who Merzbacher harmed so deeply in our prayers. The archdiocese prays for their strength and for their continued healing.”

Murphy expressed sadness that some of her fellow Catholics still do not believe survivors.

“Are they really even listening?” she asked. “Are we so immune anymore to suffering?” 

Email George Matysek at gmatysek@CatholicReview.org

Also see

Archbishop Lori affirms support for transparency in addressing sexual abuse

Believe us: Survivors express anger, hope following release of attorney general’s report

‘Good is stronger than evil,’ Archbishop Lori proclaims at Easter Mass

Maryland attorney general acknowledges that church has changed response

Archbishop Lori saddened, shamed and sickened by abuse in the church

Attorney General Brown hopes abuse report ‘exposes’ transgressions ‘to the fullest extent possible’

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