We don’t talk about COVID

We don’t talk about COVID. No, no, no. I’m so tired of hearing about positivity rates and hospitalization rates and vaccination rates and…

What’s that? You know where we can find home tests? What time does the shipment come in? And they put them right out on the shelves?

Wow! Hang on, I need to text my friend who’s been looking for one. And maybe I should get a few more just in case. I don’t know how many we are going to need.

But yeah, let’s not talk about COVID. I’m just so happy the children are back in school. I just can’t decide whether they should be wearing KN95s right now. They’re so much more comfortable in the other masks, and they’re in them all day, except at lunchtime. I don’t know what they do for gym class. I’ve never thought to ask. That’s the last thing we want to talk about at night. We’re so busy listing all the teachers and students who were out sick today.

Who wants to talk about COVID? There’s too much else going on, especially now that the world has opened back up. Did you see your family for Christmas? Oh, yeah, we didn’t either because…you know. But maybe we can be together for Easter.

It seems like everyone is sick right now. Of course, no one can get a PCR test, and who knows if those home tests are even reliable. What’s that? You got tested where? And you were only in line for 45 minutes? Wow! Did you have to register in advance? Do they take insurance?

Hold on, I need to text my friend who’s been trying to get her husband tested for three days. He’s so sick, but the home test is not showing anything. You know, if you don’t go for testing when the viral load is high enough, you might not get an accurate reading.

What’s that? You think the viral load is higher later? Where did you read that? Because my friend’s sister’s mother-in-law told her that they’re changing the guidelines on isolation because we’ve been guessing wrong on testing times…or was it testing at all? I can’t remember. I try not to talk much about COVID.

Hang on, I have to show you the funniest TikTok. It had us in hysterics last night, talking all about CDC guidelines. Let me pull it up on my phone.

Wait a second, did you hear that man over there cough? I mean, that really sounded like a COVID cough, and, you know, they say with omicron it’s that kind of cough, way up in your throat just like that. And his mask is barely touching his nose.

Wow, I love your glasses. Are they new? Do they fog up when you walk into the store with a mask on? Mine are the worst.

OK, let’s talk about something else. I never should have brought up COVID!

With apologies to We Don’t Talk About Bruno from Encanto.

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