10 tips for new working moms

The other day I was chatting with a colleague who is a relatively new mom. We were talking about the challenges of working while raising a child. Her baby boy had started walking while they were on vacation, and she was relieved not to have missed seeing that happen for the first time. She mentioned how much she is missing out on, and I remembered feeling like her—back when our boys were much younger.

I found myself thinking about those first days when I was a new mother working outside the home. They weren’t easy days, and I remember worrying about leaving our toddler. One day I left him with my mother, and he was crying at her door watching me drive away. I was crying too, of course. Then I realized I had forgotten something and went back to the house. There he was, happily playing with my mother, without a tear or a care in the world.

Not every day is easy. In fact, the U.S. Surgeon General issued a report recently that spoke to how parents are struggling with balancing their jobs and families. I’m not sure anyone has figured it out, and I certainly haven’t. But if I were to go back and talk to my younger self, I would have a few pieces of advice (or reassurance, really).

1. This won’t be easy, and that’s OK. Being a mother—regardless of whether you work outside the home—will stretch you in extraordinary ways. You’ll wish you had a personal chef. a professional chauffeur, a housekeeper, and a professional potty trainer. Lower your expectations. Use paper plates. And don’t be afraid to turn to the professionals when you need them.
2. Think of quality time over quantity of time. Try to find a little time every day just to be together. Sing together in the car, play silly games, or snuggle for a story. If you have to eat frozen pizza once or twice a week to find that time, fine. You and your child both need that time to find joy in the chaos of a busy life.
3. Remember that you are not alone. Do you have a spouse? Wonderful. Do you have family in town? Great. Do you have teens who live on your block? Get to know them—fast. Do you have access to the Internet? Get on care.com and your neighborhood Facebook group to find sitters. Build your village—carefully and thoughtfully—and be grateful that they’re there. Look for the ways that others are invested in your children, loving them and teaching them. Listen to them as they tell you about your child, and you’ll see this young person in your life in a new way.
4. There will be ups and downs. You’ll get a call from daycare that your child just bit or got bitten by someone. They’ve been throwing sand at other kids. They vomited all over the teacher—again. The classroom has had a lice outbreak…or a hand, foot, and mouth outbreak…or maybe something worse. But one day your child will come home with a “Student of the Month” certificate. She’ll win the math prize. The teacher will email you to say your child was the one who helped a classmate when they fell on the playground. You win some, you lose some, we all learn as we go, and we get to start again tomorrow. Give yourself grace and an occasional Frappuccino.
5. Work somewhere that cares about your family. My job is very busy, but my employer absolutely understands about sick time and medical appointments and soccer games and all the rest. I’ve worked there 15 years, and our children have been along for the ride. They know what I do, they know why I do it, and they know the people I work with. As they’ve gotten older, they even give me advice. I’m thankful that they feel connected to what I do. And I’m so grateful to work in a place that understands and appreciates that my family is my world.
6. Realize that you’re modeling work-life balance (or the lack thereof) for your child. My sons have seen me working at home to stay on top of urgent needs and projects for many years. They have also seen me scrambling to get dinner on the table and getting them to practices and competitions. My sons know I love them deeply, and they know I care about the work I do—and that the work has an impact. They also know that the work helps pay for our home and the food and school and extracurriculars and an annual vacation. And they aren’t afraid to tell me when I’m working too hard or too much.
7. It’s OK to forget Crazy Socks Day. Your child will probably be more resilient because you forgot the crazy socks—or maybe she’ll learn that it’s OK not to blend in with the crowd. These kids will turn out just fine. So will their socks.
8. You don’t have to volunteer for everything—or anything. Let yourself off the hook for the volunteering. Give the Sign-up Genius a little time to fill up—or pick one thing you know you can do. For a while, I would volunteer for playground duty at school. I would have to take time off from work to go stand on a playground and watch my child play from afar. I’m sure there was a value to that service, but it did nothing for me—and it just added to our family’s stress. Be helpful in the ways that work for your schedule—and for you. Sign up to send in the juice boxes. Don’t feel that you need to be at everything all the time. Be there when it matters for you and your child.
9. It gets easier. Then it gets harder. Then it gets easier again. Just hang on for the ride and know that you’re doing a great job. You may feel pulled in multiple directions, but you are enough—just as you are. You are showing up. You are demonstrating love in action. And remember that you don’t have to do it all.
10. You won’t believe how marvelous it will be. You can’t see it yet, but you’re going to have days when you are rocking it. Being a mother will make you a better employee. Having a job will also shape how you are as a mother. I like to think that my life with multiple vocations enriches all areas of my life. Yes, I’m tired. Yes, I wish I had more hours in the day. But mothers are always busy—even when they’re home full time with their children. Working mothers are just busy in different ways. The skills I learn in my job help me in my parenting. My parenting helps me in my relationships with colleagues. Be open to how wonderful it can be—and notice it when it is.

All of the work is good—both the work of raising your children and the work you are doing to provide for your family, or for your own fulfillment, or for a specific cause.

“Never do the work carelessly because you wish to hide your gifts,” said St. Teresa of Kolkota (Mother Teresa). “Remember, that work is his. You are his co-worker. Therefore, he depends on you for that special work. Do the work with him, and the work will be done for him. The talents God has given you are not yours—they have been given to you for your use, for the glory of God. There can be no half-measures in the work.”

It’s not easy, but motherhood is its own kind of magnificent mountain to climb, and you are in for a beautiful adventure. Know that I am cheering you on.

Photo by Karolina Kaboompics

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