A different kind of Thanksgiving

Eleven years ago, John and I were waiting to become parents for the first time. We had seen our son’s photo months and months earlier, but we didn’t have the travel approval we needed to go to China, adopt him, and bring him home.

As Thanksgiving approached, we decided not to spend the holiday with either of our families. It was a hard decision, but we were impatient and preoccupied with our adoption wait. We settled into the idea of a quiet Thanksgiving at home, and it felt like a good decision.

Then the Monday before Thanksgiving, I received an email from our adoption agency with a full itinerary for our trip. I was so confused and sure it was a mistake. But I called to confirm and yes! We had received our long-awaited travel approval. We were leaving for China the next Friday.

We had airplane tickets to buy, luggage to pack, travel items to buy, paperwork to organize, and toddler clothing to wash and fold—hoping it would be the right size for our little guy.

We spent that Thanksgiving hurrying around the house in a blur, hardly talking, packing and getting ready for the journey of a lifetime. We must have had dinner, but I don’t have any memory of what it was. Spaghetti? Sandwiches? Cheese and crackers?

It didn’t matter. We were counting the minutes to the trip of a lifetime, and our minds and hearts were full of our baby boy—the person we were longing to spend Thanksgiving—and every other day—with for the rest of our lives.

This year I find myself thinking of that Thanksgiving. It was quiet and a little lonely, but it was also special.

This Thanksgiving we will spend as a family of four—just John, me, and our two sons. It will be different. It will be as quiet as our house gets with the trilling and beeping of finches and the general buzz and roars of a house with children. We will miss seeing our parents and our siblings and their families. But our hearts will be full.

A person can be grateful for all they have without having everything and everyone they love within sight and reach. Maybe, in some ways, it will be easier to focus on the meaning of the day as we express our thankfulness for those people we aren’t able to be with, reflect on the memories of beautiful Thanksgivings of the past, and look forward with joyful expectation to holidays we will spend together in the future.

“When it comes to life, the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude,” G.K. Chesterton said.

I’ll take the gratitude, thanks, with some stuffing, mashed potatoes—and some cranberry sauce from a can.

So, this will be a different kind of Thanksgiving. But I sincerely hope it will also be a happy one.

I had a chance to speak about my family’s adoption journey on a recent episode of Catholic Review Radio. Click play below to listen!

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