In a world where material success often takes center stage, what does true success mean for women today? How can they navigate the delicate balance of career, family and personal fulfillment, all while staying true to their core values and priorities?
In a recent episode of the Our Sunday Visitor magazine partner podcast “Like a Mother with Katie McGrady,” host Katie McGrady sat down with Emmy-Award winning actor Patricia Heaton, renowned for her iconic roles in “Everybody Loves Raymond” and “The Middle.”
During their conversation, Heaton shared insights into her successful Hollywood career, the challenges of balancing work, faith and motherhood, and how she has maintained a sense of fulfillment throughout it all.
Heaton, whose four sons are now young adults, spoke candidly about some of the challenges of raising a family in the entertainment industry, and the importance of establishing certain boundaries between roles as actor and mother.
“It’s a burden on children if their parents are very successful in a field or just have a high profile,” she explained. “(It’s important that) they can separate you as a parent from what you do.”
She emphasized the importance of allowing children to follow their own paths, free from external pressure.
“I didn’t want any of my kids feeling like they should be going into show business if that’s not what they want to do,” she said. “It’s perfectly OK to do whatever you want to do. They kind of have to figure things out themselves.”
Reflecting on her parenting style, Heaton shared her belief in giving her children space to grow.
“I also feel it’s important for them to be by themselves, make their mistakes out of earshot, out of view. … It’s important to let them figure out life without us hovering over them all the time. So I’m kind of an anti-helicopter parent.”
Heaton’s journey to success wasn’t without its struggles, but she credits her strong Catholic faith as the foundation that helped her navigate Hollywood without compromising her values.
She sees God’s providence in the fact that she didn’t start having consistent success as an actress until she was married and having children.
“If I had been successful in my 20s, I could have had substance abuse issues or big ego issues, and would have had my priorities out of alignment,” she confessed. “It didn’t happen until I really got God as the center of my life. He was always in my life, but I didn’t realize how much the desire to be a successful actor was really the thing that was driving me, as opposed to how God wanted me to serve.”
She continued, “Until that got aligned and then I got married and started having kids, is when he allowed these beautiful blessings to happen in my life.”
In her family-oriented roles, Heaton found that her personal experiences as a mother enriched her acting.
“It made my work better, not only because I had to be super efficient in balancing work and family, but having kids — whether you birth them yourselves or you adopt them, or however many come into your life — it opens a chamber in your heart that can only be unlocked by children,” she reflected. “It connects you with deep emotions you didn’t know were there. And so that helps with your art. It really enriches your work.”
Like many working moms, Heaton merged her roles as a mother and actress, often bringing her kids on set and multitasking between scenes.
“I’m sitting in my chair waiting for the lighting to get done to go back and do a scene (and) I’m sewing a Halloween costume for my son, which he told me about like the day before,” she recalled with a laugh. “It’s like I’m living the show while also doing the show.”
While Heaton’s hit shows “Everybody Loves Raymond” and “The Middle” had strong family values, she has also faced challenges in choosing projects in Hollywood.
“It’s always the ‘what’ — what are we putting into the world? How does it affect the culture?” she asked. “You can do all kinds of stuff and you can play terrible characters, but as long as the overall project has something to say to you … that you think is the truth.”
Heaton, whose sister entered religious life as a Dominican, referred to the Dominican motto “Veritas,” or truth. “It’s about seeking truth. But you have to realize there are a lot of truths in the world that are dark and depressing,” she explained. “So you want to put truth into the world, but hopefully you have a foundation of an eternal perspective. You want truth with an eternal perspective that is around Jesus.”
For Heaton, finding and sharing truth through her work — whether by making people laugh in difficult times or highlighting the importance of family — has been one of the most rewarding aspects of her career.
She shared, “I’ve gotten more people come up to me about these shows saying, ‘My dad had cancer and the highlight of every week was when we could all get together and watch “Everybody Loves Raymond” or “The Middle,”‘ or ‘Our family can watch “The Middle” together. It’s the only show that the kids love and we love it.'”
“To be able to contribute that to your community, to your culture, to society is a real blessing,” she said. “And that’s all God. He gave me these two impossibly wonderful shows to do.”
Heaton’s latest passion project is “Unexpected” — a film she produced with her husband, David Hunt, that brings a light-hearted approach to the sensitive topic of infertility.
“The faith community is understanding that if we want to really reach those people who are searching, we’ve got to do better in our content. It has to be more nuanced, more sophisticated,” she said. “So we’re dealing with a real life subject of infertility in a really unusual and funny way, but very moving still.”
“I think other than all the technical medical stuff that people write about in having fertility issues, (the film) talks about the emotional impact on a couple. And it’s about two people trying to get on the same page about adoption or not, struggling with infertility,” she continued. “That’s something that even crew members, male crew members, came up to us while we were shooting it and said, ‘I love seeing that you’re looking at how the man is struggling. You don’t ever see his perspective.'”
When McGrady asked what she’d want her children to remember about her after she’s gone, Heaton touched on the often imperfect nature of parenting.
“As parents, and as moms especially, we just feel like we screwed everything up. We didn’t do anything right. Especially if you have a lot of kids and you’re trying to pay attention, it’s hard. But I think I would just want them to know how much I love them.”
She recalled a humorous story from a visit to one of her sons at college, highlighting her belief in letting children take responsibility for themselves. When her son asked her to do his laundry, “I said, ‘OK, first of all, I’m not going into your room. Gross. I don’t know what’s in there, and I don’t want to know. Second of all, I would die for you, but I will not do your laundry,'” she recalled with a laugh.
“I’ve probably made a ton of mistakes — I know I’ve made a ton of mistakes — along the way, but I always tried to do the best for them,” she said. “I hope they will know how much I love them.”
Listen to the full conversation with actor Patricia Heaton at https://likeamother.osvpodcasts.com/2051666/episodes/16911953-hollywood-motherhood-faith-patricia-heaton-gets-real. For a deep dive into navigating the joys and struggles of motherhood, check out the Our Sunday Visitor magazine partner podcast “Like a Mother with Katie McGrady” https://likeamother.osvpodcasts.com.
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