Mother of murder victim speaks at Loyola University Maryland on intimate partner violence

The horrific details are well known in Baltimore and the larger world of lacrosse.

On May 3, 2010, as Yeardley Love, a senior lacrosse player at the University of Virginia, was sleeping, her ex-boyfriend, also a lacrosse player, kicked in her door and beat her to death.

In the years following the shocking murder of the Notre Dame Preparatory School alumna, her mother, Sharon Donnelly Love, has made it her mission to educate young people about the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships and intimate partner violence through the One Love Foundation, named for Yeardley’s jersey number and her last name. 

Love brought her message to Loyola University Maryland Nov. 15 as the featured speaker for the Sister Cleophas Costello Lecture.

“A part of us died with Yeardley, and we had to reinvent our lives,” Love said.

The lecture included the trailer for a 40-minute film “Escalation,” which details a college relationship, as well as public service announcements aimed at educating young people about the warning signs.

Love told the packed room of both men and women that until the police officers knocked on her door to tell her about Yeardley, “I believed domestic violence involved a married woman with children and no source of income – a person trapped.” She was shocked to learn that victims of domestic violence were just like Yeardley. 

One Love developed a 90-minute workshop for college campuses that started in 2015 and expanded to colleges and high schools across the country. One Love has developed a library of free content, trained some 40,000 volunteers to conduct workshops for more than 2 million people, and created a smartphone app based on research conducted by The Johns Hopkins School of Nursing.

In a Q-and-A session that concluded the lecture, when asked what friends can do, Love said, “Don’t give up on that person. … An abuser wants to isolate and control them.”

That resonated with Izzy D’Antonio, a junior lacrosse player at Loyola who is from Virginia.

“I’ve been learning about Yeardley Love since high school,” she said, adding she’s played in tournaments held in her honor. “It needs to be talked about, and by targeting teens you can reach more people.” In high school she saw an outgoing, funny, well-liked friend and teammate struggle with a difficult relationship.

“If she hadn’t told me, I wouldn’t have known,” D’Antonio said, seconding the advice offered by Sharon Love to not give up on the person: “In those moments they need you more than you want some peace.”

Anna Seal, a sophomore at Loyola, is from Columbia and attends a parish in the Archdiocese of Baltimore. She went to Notre Dame Preparatory School, and that connection with Yeardley inspired her to volunteer.

“I think it’s something we don’t talk about, and it goes unnoticed,” Seal said, adding the easiest way to address unhealthy relationships and intimate partner violence is with education. “You educate one person, and they educate another, and pretty soon it’s a movement. One Love makes it really easy to learn to love better.”

When asked how she takes care of herself while doing such difficult work, Sharon Love, who is Catholic, responded, “In the beginning, my religion got me through – you don’t know how much that means to you, until that’s all you’ve got.”

At Yeardley’s funeral at the Cathedral of Mary Our Queen in Homeland, Father Joseph Breighner had encouraged Love’s family and friends to honor her life by living their best lives.

“In memory of Yeardley, make the better choices from now on,” said Father Breighner, a columnist for the Catholic Review. “Choose kindness instead of cruelty. Choose forgiveness instead of vengeance. Choose love instead of hate. Choose the right thing instead of the wrong thing.”

The statistics are perhaps almost as well known as Yeardley’s story: one in three women will experience intimate partner violence, as will one in four men. That’s why Loyola’s counseling center and Title IX office, along with One Love volunteers, had tables outside the lecture offering resources.

“If we could save a life, it would be worth any and all of the efforts we made,” Sharon Love said.

To learn more, visit joinonelove.org

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