When all mothers and godmothers were asked to stand for a blessing on Mother’s Day a few years ago, Laura stood and then soon regretted it. A godmother, the Tuscon, Ariz., native was bombarded with comments from “how exciting” to “when is the baby due?” after Mass.
For Laura, the well-intended remarks were difficult, as she and her husband were dealing with infertility.
“Infertility makes you feel very alone,” said Laura, who asked that her real name not be used. “Anytime you see friends and peers going forth in life’s stages, you’re happy for them but want the same thing. It is very private. It’s about your health.”
This past May, the day before Mother’s Day, Laura attended Cherished, a retreat run by Springs in the Desert, a nonprofit ministry that offers emotional and spiritual support to those experiencing infertility or pregnancy loss.
“It was probably the most seen and heard that I felt at a retreat,” Laura said. “Nobody asked if I was pregnant or looking at my stomach. We met other couples going through the same thing and were able to talk about what we were feeling.”
The Archdiocese of Baltimore will host another Cherished retreat, set for Oct. 12 at the Catholic Community of South Baltimore. Ann Koshute, co-founder and executive director of Springs in the Desert, said the retreat will be an opportunity to bring people together who are “traveling the same path,” noting that dealing with infertility can be an isolating experience for couples.
“It takes some courage to step up to admit infertility,” Koshute said. “You don’t know how you’ll be received. Everyone’s experience is unique to them. Here, you are among friends who understand.”
Individuals are invited to come alone if a partner cannot attend. Women facing or in menopause without having a child, couples who had one child but can’t have another, and those who have suffered a pregnancy loss can all benefit from the retreat, Koshute said.
“We were completely humbled by other couples,” Laura said. “We learned so much from them.”
Though it is a Catholic-based ministry, all faiths are welcome.
“What we are presenting is from a Catholic viewpoint,” Koshute said. “There are universal aspects to this experience.”
The day will feature speakers, including Koshute, and small group sharing.
“We acknowledge all of the expressions of infertility – the frustration, the grief, the anger, the jealousy, the sadness,” Koshute said. “We dig deeper into our experiences and identities, our identities in Christ as daughters and sons of God.”
An opportunity to receive the sacrament of reconciliation and a vigil Mass are also part of the retreat.
“We didn’t choose this cross; it was what was given to us,” Laura said. “Learning to trust God is very important.”
Cherished: a Retreat for Those in a Season of Infertility takes place Oct. 12, 8 a.m. at the Catholic Community of South Baltimore, 110 E. West St., Baltimore. The cost is $15 for individuals, $25 for a couple and includes a light lunch. Financial assistance is available.
Email Katie V. Jones at kjones@CatholicReview.org
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