Called to foster: Families welcome children with love

Becoming foster parents for children in need was basically a no-brainer for Kevin and Rachel Okun. Kevin’s sister, the oldest sibling in his family, was adopted, so they understood that family members did not have to be biological. Rachel, too, had firsthand experience: one of her mother’s close friends was a foster parent, and Rachel often babysat for the children in their care.

Those experiences and the trouble they were having conceiving children put them on the road to foster parenting. They realized they had love to give, to pour out to children who needed help as well as to their parents. “We did a lot of praying about it,” Rachel said.

Since 2018, the Okuns – parishioners of St. Casimir in Canton who have been married nearly a decade – have fostered six children: five boys and one girl. All of them have been “little guys” – that is, infants and toddlers, Rachel said. They are currently fostering two boys, ages 2 and 3.

Jeff and Cathy Gara of Ss. Philip and James in Charles Village have a similar story.

“I think our decision to foster was driven by faith,” Cathy said. “I was really leaning toward foster care, then on a Sunday the Gospel reading said foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head. As I listened to that, I thought, ‘We have to give these kids a place where they can lay their heads.’ ”

The Garas, too, faced infertility, and their spiritual path led them to Springs in the Desert, a Catholic ministry supporting couples in similar circumstances. The organization held a Zoom event to discuss adoption, and the Garas decided to listen in. Then, a friend put them in touch with the Okuns to learn more.

“One of the couples that spoke had adopted four children, two through foster care,” Cathy said. “We decided to sign up for a training class on foster care” run by the Department of Social Services.

 While most foster parents have several children who stay with them for varying amounts of time – sometimes as little as a day, sometimes as long as several years – the Garas fostered one child, a boy, whom they were able to adopt. Their son is now 2.

“Our case isn’t usual,” Cathy said. “Getting your first call for a newborn from a hospital and 18 months later adopting him isn’t the norm. Rachel and Kevin’s story is closer to the norm.”

The Okuns, for their part, are open to adopting foster children.

There is one thing the Okuns and Garas want to make perfectly clear: The role of a foster family is to care for children while their birth parent is healing and until he or she can be reunited either with the parents or a member of the extended family.

“We’re here to help families stay together,” Kevin Okun said. “We want to respect the parents. They bring good qualities into the world, and that’s important.”

Adoption is not the end goal; healing and reuniting the children with their families is.

“When the birth family is open to it, you can provide them some support,” Cathy said, noting that parents are often experiencing a sense of brokeness.

There are also some stereotypes that both the Okuns and Garas want to dispel. One of the biggest myths involves a “savior complex,” which holds that the children are “so lucky” to be in a family where they can experience love.

“These parents deeply, deeply love them,” Rachel said. “It’s not about us coming in and saving them. That mentality isn’t helpful; it doesn’t allow you to love people”

Both families said they have been blessed by their parish communities and neighbors. The Okuns take their two boys to Mass every Sunday, and the boys know their friends and the priests in the parish. They even have a calendar at home where they write down saints’ feast days and talk to them about the saints.

In addition, in one situation, the father of the boy who was put in their care asked point blank if the Okuns were religious.

“He was relieved that we would take his child to Mass,” Rachel said. “He was Catholic, too. He went to Mass every Sunday, and he wanted to make sure his boy was going, too.”

The Garas said they were especially happy they were able to have their son baptized at St. Thomas Aquinas in Hampden, their former parish, before it closed.

“Our parish had been walking with us since day one,” Cathy said. “We had him baptized at a Sunday Mass so that everyone could be there, and we invited them to the reception afterwards.”

 The Okuns noted that there is a bittersweet quality to being a foster parent. Except for the two boys who are currently in their care, the other four have gone back to relatives. The situation is “both/and,” they said.

 “You want to be able to care for a child while a parent is healing,” Kevin explained. “But it’s also devastatingly hard. It’s everything your heart longs for, but it also breaks your heart because you love them the moment they come through the door.”

 But it’s the joy of foster care, despite the challenges and the uncertainties, that stay with them.

“They are just wonderful people. We get to grow with them as they are figuring out their world,” Kevin said of the foster children for whom they’ve cared.

 As for Rachel, she said her idea of family and of motherhood have greatly expanded.

“It’s joyful for me to learn that,” she said. “Now I can say I’m a mother of six!”

Harvest abundant, laborers few

During National Foster Care Month in May, communities across the country recognize the importance of foster families – and in Baltimore, the need is especially pressing.

Data from the Department of Social Services in Baltimore City shows a steady decline in the number of unrestricted foster homes – traditional foster homes as opposed to kinship care, where children are placed with relatives. According to DSS data, the number of unrestricted foster homes in the city has dropped from 324 in 2019 to just 146 in 2024.

Bill Blevins, president of the Baltimore City Resource Parent Association, attributed the decline to state and federal legislation requiring more children to be placed in kinship care.

“They threw all their resources into that last year,” said Blevins, who explained that the state needed to get relatives licensed and registered to comply with the new regulations. “Now they’re focusing back on resource parents because the numbers have declined so drastically.”

Additional information on how to foster a child and what resources are available to support families is available from these organizations:

Maryland Department of Human Services: dhs.maryland.gov/local-offices/baltimore-city/adoption-foster-care-services

Maryland Resource Parent Association: mrpa.org

Baltimore City Resource Parent Association: baltimorecityresourceparents.org

Foster the Family: fosterthefamily.org/locations/maryland

Springs in the Desert: springsinthedesert.org

 There is also a brochure available from the Baltimore City Resource Parent Association titled “What to Really Expect – Resource Parent Approval Guide.”

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