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Fish sticks are a Lenten staple in the Buettner house. (Courtesy Treasa Matysek)

The fish-stick dilemma


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Catholic Review Filed Under: Commentary, Feature, Lent, The Domestic Church

As Lent begins, I start thinking about meatless Fridays. My mind goes to tuna melts, salmon salad, grilled cheese and tomato soup, veggie pizza, baked tilapia – and my mouth starts watering. Then I think of fish sticks. I love fish sticks – and I believe they are perfect for a Lenten Friday.

They’re simple and fun and tasty. Serve them up with a few shakes of Old Bay and some tartar sauce, maybe add a little broccoli on the side, and I’m completely satisfied. The fact that they are so easy to make after a long week just adds to my enjoyment.

But it’s Lent. I’m supposed to be giving things up and sacrificing – not counting the minutes to the Friday night dinner of my dreams.

Of course, not everyone in my family feels the same way about fish sticks. In more than 16 years of marriage, no one in my home has ever said, “I hope we’re having fish sticks for dinner!”

So, as the family chef, I can choose to prepare a meal that is nutritionally adequate, easy to make, and one that I will enjoy. But perhaps I should serve something I don’t enjoy so much, making a sacrifice for the rest of the family – rather than imposing a sacrifice on others.

After all, I’m fairly sure children get no credit for a sacrifice that is foisted on them by their fish-stick enthusiast mother. I also choose not to add to our family’s misery in the name of Lent. Yes, this is a season of sacrifice, but that doesn’t mean we need to be unhappy.

I recall a conversation I had a few years ago with one of my Jesuit friends, Father Tom Roach, who told me that Lent should be a season of joy. I try to keep that in mind every Lent, even as we receive ashes and talk about what we will take on and give up during this season.

We should absolutely join our sufferings to Jesus’, we should reflect on all he gave for us, and we should embrace sacrifice – especially of those things that are interfering with our relationship with God. But I appreciate the reminder that we can and should find joy in this season. God wants us to be happy, and he especially wants us to feel loved.

If fish sticks add a little joy to my Friday night dinner, I like to think that God wants me to enjoy them – and maybe make sure there’s something else on the table for the rest of the family to enjoy, too. There’s so much to be said for doing little things to make yourself and others happy.

Besides, this might not be a Lent for taking on tremendous sacrifices. During this pandemic, as anxieties run high, when we are missing many people who are important to us, and when we are seeking hope and light wherever we can find it, sacrifice may look a little different. This Lent, perhaps, our crosses will find us, shaping our journey and giving us an opportunity to lean on Jesus in a new way.

As we mark the first anniversary of the date when Maryland shut down for the pandemic, perhaps we would benefit from recognizing just how much we have already given – and continue to give up. Perhaps instead of taking away the few simple pleasures we have – whether fish sticks, cream in our coffee or Netflix – we can seek joy and embrace gratitude each day.

“Charity and cheerfulness, or charity and humility, should be our motto,” said St. Philip Neri.

May your season of Lent be full of both charity and cheerfulness. As we focus on growing closer to Jesus, may we carve out time and opportunities to walk with him in joy. If that happens to include fish sticks for dinner, let me know what time I should be there.

I’ll bring the Old Bay.

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