It seems so unfair. St. Thomas happens to be out when Jesus appears to the disciples. Maybe he ran to the store for bread or wine, or maybe he just needed a minute away from the group—a breath of air, a moment to himself to get his thoughts together.
Wherever St. Thomas is, he’s not there when Jesus enters the locked room and says, “Peace be with you.”
By the time St. Thomas comes back, he’s missed everything. The disciples are buzzing with their encounter with Jesus, and he’s completely left out.
No wonder he says, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands and put my finger into the nail marks and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”
I would have said something like that, too—not maybe from a lack of faith but from frustration. That’s such a human response. We have all felt that disappointment of missing a life-defining moment or experience.
You should have been here.
You should have seen it.
It was unbelievable.
That changed my life.
Maybe St. Thomas felt left out. Maybe he didn’t believe Jesus was alive. Or maybe he was just deeply disappointed. Maybe he just wanted to have the same experience his friends did. We will never know for sure.
But I like to think about what could have been going through his mind—and consider the times when I’m like St. Thomas myself. We all know FOMO—the fear of missing out. And this is the ultimate FOMO. You leave the room and manage to miss Jesus returning, having risen from the dead, ready to greet and bless your closest friends.
Still, the story doesn’t end there. Jesus comes again, and Thomas sees him. And Jesus invites him to put his hands in his side and believe.
It’s then that Thomas has the most beautiful response—“My Lord and my God.” It’s a powerful phrase, one some Catholics say silently as the priest elevates the Eucharist during Mass. It holds so much faith and truth and beauty and conviction.
If it was faith that Thomas was struggling with, he believes then and there. And there’s something wonderful to that, too. We might come to faith in different ways, in different times. We might not get there without certain encounters and conversations. We might find God in unexpected moments along the way. But God will be ready to meet us where we are. And we will know him—and realize he’s been seeking us, as well.
My Lord and my God.
(The painting is The Incredulity of Saint Thomas by Caravaggio.)
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