• Skip to main content
  • Skip to secondary menu
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
Catholic Review

Catholic Review

Inspiring the Archdiocese of Baltimore

Menu
  • Home
  • News
        • Local News
        • World News
        • Vatican News
        • Obituaries
        • Featured Video
        • En Español
        • Sports News
        • Official Clergy Assignments
        • Schools News
  • Commentary
        • Contributors
          • Question Corner
          • George Weigel
          • Effie Caldarola
          • John Garvey
          • Father Ed Dougherty, M.M.
          • Guest Commentary
        • CR Columnists
          • Archbishop William E. Lori
          • Rita Buettner
          • Christopher Gunty
          • George Matysek Jr.
          • Father Joseph Breighner
          • Father Collin Poston
          • Robyn Barberry
          • Hanael Bianchi
          • Amen Columns
  • Entertainment
        • Events
        • Movie & Television Reviews
        • Arts & Culture
        • Books
        • Recipes
  • About Us
        • Contact Us
        • Our History
        • Meet Our Staff
        • Photos to own
        • Books/CDs/Prayer Cards
        • CR Media platforms
        • Electronic Edition
  • Advertising
  • Shop
        • Purchase Photos
        • Books/CDs/Prayer Cards
  • CR Radio
  • News Tips
  • Subscribe

When I am not enough

September 19, 2016
By Rita Buettner
Filed Under: Commentary, The Domestic Church

My sister is called away for a few minutes, so she places my 3-month-old niece in my arms.

Hurrah, I think. Here’s another chance for me to hold this dear little baby girl, my goddaughter.

Still, this sweet baby is not happy, and she starts wriggling and fussing. She’s hungry or tired or she just wants to be with her mother. Maybe no one can comfort her. All I know is I’m not the one she wants.

That’s OK. I’ve been here before.

I’ve held children who didn’t want me to hold them. I’ve sung to them when they didn’t know my voice or understand the words. I’ve been a complete stranger with nothing to offer except warmth and comfort and love.

If there’s one thing I learned when I became a mother through adoption, it’s that you can offer comfort even when a child doesn’t want it. In fact, you need to, even if they don’t want it – even if they don’t want you. You don’t take it personally, and you have faith that in some way the child understands.

So I sing “Toora Loora Loora” to my goddaughter as she cries. I hold her gently but close. I sway as I sing, thinking of another time when I held a crying child in my arms, crying with and for him, wishing I could be more than I was, knowing I didn’t have all of the answers, trusting and believing there were sunnier days ahead.

As my niece whimpers and balls up her fists, I know I am not remotely enough for her. I have very little to offer to a nursing infant who isn’t mine. She knows that, and so do I. She’s frustrated, and I’m sad for her, but I am also at peace. I am giving all I can give. I am holding her. I am keeping her safe. I am singing and rocking.

Even with my inadequacies, I have to believe that somewhere deep inside she feels safe and loved partly because of me. She’s not happy, and she is making that known. But a baby who cries is a baby who knows she is loved. And this little one is treasured, indeed.

As I hold her, I find myself thinking, how often in life do I worry that I am not enough? As a wife, as a mother, as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend, as an employee, as a disciple of Jesus, I am never all our Father in Heaven wants me to be. I fall short so often, in so many ways.

Especially in my parenting journey, as our children grow and the challenges they encounter grow with them, I wonder how I can ever be the mother they need to support them through life. They will come head-to-head with bullies, encounter hatred and pain and questions and problems I am ill-equipped to grapple with myself.

Even for my own children, I am not enough. I know it, and one day they will too – if they haven’t figured it out already. But maybe that’s all right. After all, I am not in this alone. I am an instrument in God’s hands. “Whoever has God lacks nothing,” St. Teresa of Avila said. “God alone suffices.”

Maybe all I can be is what I am to my baby niece, a pair of arms to hold my children when they’re unhappy, a reassuring voice, a listening ear to hear them, a shoulder for their tears, and a safe place for them to come and know they are loved – not just by me, but also by our Lord.

“We are to become vessels of God’s compassionate love for others,” St. Clare of Assisi said.

On my own I will never be enough for anyone I encounter. But I can try to be a vessel, a container, carrying love to everyone I meet. For now, I’ll hold this baby girl and keep singing.

 

 

Print Print

Primary Sidebar

Rita Buettner

Rita Buettner is a wife, working mother and author of the Catholic Review's Open Window blog. She and her husband adopted their two sons from China, and Rita often writes about topics concerning adoption, family and faith.

Rita also writes The Domestic Church, a featured column in the Catholic Review. Her writing has been honored by the Catholic Press Association, the Maryland-Delaware-D.C. Press Association and the Associated Church Press.

View all posts from this author

| Recent Commentary |

Catholic marriage prep: We want the whole feast, please!

Question Corner: Must I believe in and follow apparitions?

Merciful like the Father

What does it taste like?

4 tips for building a media-smart family

| Recent Local News |

‘I’m a survivor’: Parishioner finds strength in faith even after abuse

Sister Margarita Musquera, O.S.P., dies at 93.

Archdiocese dispenses with meatless obligation for St. Patrick’s Day

Religious leaders share vocation stories with Cockeysville students

Annapolis parish marks historic milestone

| Catholic Review Radio |

CatholicReview · Catholic Review Radio

Footer

Our Vision

Real Life. Real Faith. 

Catholic Review Media communicates the Gospel and its impact on people’s lives in the Archdiocese of Baltimore and beyond.

Our Mission

Catholic Review Media provides intergenerational communications that inform, teach, inspire and engage Catholics and all of good will in the mission of Christ through diverse forms of media.

Contact

Catholic Review
320 Cathedral Street
Baltimore, MD 21201
443-524-3150
mail@CatholicReview.org

 

Social Media

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Recent

  • ‘I’m a survivor’: Parishioner finds strength in faith even after abuse
  • Pope Francis calls for solidarity with Turkey, Syria after earthquakes
  • Biden reiterates call to codify Roe v. Wade in State of the Union address
  • Pope repeats calls, prayers for peace and justice in Africa
  • Catholic aid agencies launch emergency collections for quake victims in Turkey, Syria
  • Eagles fans bring faith to the field for the Super Bowl
  • Catholic marriage prep: We want the whole feast, please!
  • Sister Margarita Musquera, O.S.P., dies at 93.
  • Archdiocese dispenses with meatless obligation for St. Patrick’s Day

Search

Membership

Catholic Press Association of the United States and Canada

Maryland-Delaware-DC Press Association

The Associated Church Press

© 2023 CATHOLIC REVIEW MEDIA, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED