A parenting lesson in the Mary and Martha story

The story of Mary and Martha is so relatable—and probably because it’s told from Martha’s perspective. It might just as easily have been Mary saying to Jesus, “Lord, please tell her to stop working and sit down to listen to you.”

But it wasn’t, and we can see that the sisters come at this moment from different perspectives. We’ve all been those siblings—and maybe even parented those siblings. We see the difference. We recognize the tension. We can appreciate both approaches. And we might resent just a little the alternative perspective.

As I listened to the Gospel this time around, I found myself hearing Jesus speaking in the voice of a parent. “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, and it will not be taken from her.”

Jesus knows Martha, and he knows Mary. He appreciates their gifts and strengths. He understands why they are taking different approaches during his visit. Each has a purpose, a part, a role, to make the visit a successful one. Seeing that they are giving what they can and what they are perhaps called to give, he loves them wholly, completely, fully.

A parent of multiple children can appreciate that.

Each child approaches a situation in a unique way. And, as a mother, I recognize that I parent my two children differently, based on their strengths, abilities, and individual personalities.

“Every child is raised by different parents,” a psychologist told me once—and she was right. I am a different parent to each child because of my experience and where I am in life.

As our children have grown up, I have found that they sometimes need varying approaches based on the situation. They don’t grow and thrive and succeed in the same environment. They might need more or less advice or guidance. As a parent, I’ve learned to change expectations and approaches based on the situation and the child involved. (To be clear, I still don’t entirely know what I’m doing, but that’s part of this lifelong learning that parenting requires.)

Perhaps I sound inconsistent as a parent, and that may be so, but I don’t interact with other individuals in my life in identical ways. Relationships are unique. We connect with each person in a distinctive way, meeting them where they are. We don’t talk to Mary the same way we talk to Martha.

I imagine God does, too.

We are each his favorite, loved into being, and loved throughout our lives, into eternity. God doesn’t expect each of us to approach life in the same way as anyone else. He knows we have something that we can bring to a situation just as our unique self.

Whether we are sitting at his feet listening to him or working to create a space of welcome, he loves us fully and completely—our whole selves. Whatever our failings, whatever our strengths, whatever our quirks, and whatever our complaints are about how the people around us approach life or faith differently, Jesus meets us with love. He admires what we bring.

And again and again, he offers us the better part.

Image taken from Christus bei Maria und Martha by Adolf Zimmerman.

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