We are going through some educational testing for our son, and the other day we had a meeting where we had to answer a long series of questions.
As we worked our way through the pages and pages of questions, I found that some were easy, and some were hard. When did our son hit certain milestones? How would we describe our family culture? The questions went on and on. Then we came to one that really made me think.
“How do you show your son that you love him,” the questioner asked, “and how does he show his love for you in return?”
Wow. Everything I do, I do for my family. I get out of bed in the morning for them, I prepare our teens for the day with breakfast and lunchbox packing and a hug before they leave. When they get home, I talk to them about their school days. I make sure there is something on the table each night that they will eat. I volunteer for field trips when they want me to and don’t when it would be embarrassing to have mom along. I try to learn about the activities they enjoy so we can talk about them together.
But that wasn’t what the question was asking. None of those things are things that specifically show him I love him. He might see them happening, but they’re almost expected of me as a mother.
How do I actually show him that I love him? In concrete ways that he understands? That felt more difficult. I came up with something to say, but it wasn’t a great answer, and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. Those small, visible gestures of love are so important to people in our lives.
What would he say, I wonder? Maybe that I bring home his favorite candy from the grocery store. That I let him stay up a little later than I should on a school night. That I make him a special bedtime snack late in the evening when my bed is calling my name. Those might be the moments when he sees more tangible signs of my love.
How does he show me that he loves me? In so many ways. I gave the questioner the example of how our boy traced a smiley face into the frost on my car window earlier this winter. The questioner loved that. It’s a concrete example in this phase of our life when my child isn’t running to me to give me a hug. Wonderful as the teenage years are—and they are—they don’t include many moments like that.
The question felt like a big and important one to me, and I’ve been reflecting on it ever since. During this Valentine’s Day week, I’ve been thinking what a good question it is for me as I think of those I love in my life. The man asking wasn’t questioning whether I love my child. He was asking for tangible signs of that love—signs my child sees and recognizes. That’s what we all want–evidence of what we believe to be true, concrete proof that we are loved.
As we look ahead to the start of Lent, I’ve been thinking that that is a question we can ask ourselves about our relationship with God. “How do we show God that we love him, and how does he show us that he loves us?”
Isn’t that what Lent is about—finding ways to show God that we love him, and letting him show us his love for us too? We might give something up or take something on or just try to carve out a little more time to be with God. We might go to daily Mass now and then or make the sacrament of Reconciliation.
But just as important as showing God we love him is looking for those beautiful signs of his love for us. We might find them in the beauty of nature, in the smiles of loved ones or strangers, and in the ordinary, extraordinary moments of our day. Letting him love us, and looking for signs of how he does love us, can open our hearts to let him in, allowing him to connect with us more deeply, and giving us the hope and renewal that the Lenten season offers.
We love God, and he loves us. Maybe this Lent we can find ways to show him, and be open to letting him show us.
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