Dear Marie,
I’m grinning ear to ear. I hear you’ve given up on a tidy house—and that you’re happier for it.
I won’t say, “I told you so,” because it’s not true. I thought you would be one of those super-organized people even with children. I thought the socks would all be perfectly matched, and the cereal boxes would be by height and maybe even stored in alphabetical order.
You might be an organizing consultant with your own Netflix show. But now you also have three children, and you told the Washington Post, “My home is messy, but the way I am spending my time is the right way for me at this time at this stage of my life.”
Hallelujah. Welcome to the club. Know you’re not alone. Come on in. The water’s fine.
I am not trying to knock a tidy home. I imagine it’s wonderful to have one. But children! Children! They spark a joy that fills your house and heart in the most marvelous way.
I am sure there are people who have organized, clean households and children. They are marvelous creatures, like unicorns and leprechauns bearing pots of gold. We see them emerge with their gorgeous perfection on Instagram. We hear about them from time to time. But they are rare.
The rest of us who are honored to be on this incredible parenting journey know that children bring chaos. They bring creative destruction. They turn your couch into a fort and your floor into a card-collecting scene. They plant Legos and Cheerios and M&Ms in spots where you will still be discovering them when you’re in your 90s.
Maybe now instead of a pristine home you have mountains of shoes by the door and matchbox cars in your pantry and stuffed animals stranded in every corner of the house.
I like to think that you spend your day picking up a steady stream of half-drunk juice boxes and spoons and maybe even Starburst wrappers that have found their way out of the kitchen.
I hope you have a laundry basket full of unfolded clothes in the living room.
I imagine you have a bowl of hatching dinosaur eggs or foam capsules on your kitchen counter, and you don’t know when to throw them away either.
I have a feeling your house is still immaculate compared to mine, but a girl can dream.
As a third child, I especially appreciate that it was welcoming your third child to the family that helped bring you to this point. Third children do tend to break down the walls a bit and mark their own path. And some of us didn’t even need to have three or, well, any children, to realize tidiness isn’t what sparks our joy.
One day you’ll be back to your tidy life. Until then, have an absolute blast. Lower all the standards you ever set for yourself, and then lower them yet again. Enjoy all the sparks of joy that come with parenting. I know I do.
Wishing you all the best,
Another Joyful Mom
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