• Skip to main content
  • Skip to secondary menu
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
Catholic Review

Catholic Review

Inspiring the Archdiocese of Baltimore

Menu
  • Home
  • News
        • Local News
        • World News
        • Vatican News
        • Obituaries
        • Featured Video
        • En Español
        • Sports News
        • Official Clergy Assignments
        • Schools News
  • Commentary
        • Contributors
          • Question Corner
          • George Weigel
          • Elizabeth Scalia
          • Michael R. Heinlein
          • Effie Caldarola
          • Guest Commentary
        • CR Columnists
          • Archbishop William E. Lori
          • Rita Buettner
          • Christopher Gunty
          • George Matysek Jr.
          • Mark Viviano
          • Father Joseph Breighner
          • Father Collin Poston
          • Robyn Barberry
          • Hanael Bianchi
          • Amen Columns
  • Entertainment
        • Events
        • Movie & Television Reviews
        • Arts & Culture
        • Books
        • Recipes
  • About Us
        • Contact Us
        • Our History
        • Meet Our Staff
        • Photos to own
        • Books/CDs/Prayer Cards
        • CR Media platforms
        • Electronic Edition
  • Advertising
  • Shop
        • Purchase Photos
        • Books/CDs/Prayer Cards
        • Magazine Subscriptions
        • Archdiocesan Directory
  • CR Radio
        • CR Radio
        • Protagonistas de Fe
  • News Tips
  • Subscribe

20 ways to support loved ones as they grieve the loss of a baby

June 17, 2014
By Rita Buettner
Catholic Review
Filed Under: Blog, Commentary, Open Window

Share
Share on Facebook
Share
Share this
Pin
Pin this
Share
Share on LinkedIn

Last fall when my nephew Georgie passed away at 34 weeks in utero, I wasn’t sure how I could best support my sister and brother-in-law. When their friends and extended family asked what they could do, I didn’t feel I had much to offer. I’m still not sure I do.

Recently, however, I asked Georgie’s parents what has helped them, in the hopes that some concrete ideas would help those of us who feel so helpless as we watch loved ones grieve. Every situation is different, and everyone grieves differently, of course. And much of this might help support anyone who has lost a loved one. But when people lose infants during pregnancy or shortly after birth, no one seems to know how to respond to the couple’s grief while also celebrating the baby’s life.

Here are a few ideas:

  1. Pray. Have a Mass offered for the family. Send a spiritual bouquet.
  2. Write a note or send a card. Send flowers. If you don’t know what to say, just say, “I’m sorry.” Don’t say anything you wouldn’t say about the loss of any other loved one, (i.e., “Maybe you’ll have another father one day” or “At least you have other siblings.” The parents are mourning the loss of this child and they always will.)
  3. Make a donation in memory of the baby. The parents might have a specific charity in mind, but you could also just pick your favorite charity.
  4. Send food or a restaurant gift card.
  5. If you are a close friend or family member, offer to contact people to spread the news. If you do it in writing and receive written expressions of sympathy, save them to share with the parents when they are ready.
  6. Offer to help write thank you notes for expressions of sympathy.
  7. Offer to help clear baby things away. But don’t assume the parents want them put away. Everyone processes and grieves differently.
  8. Ask the baby’s name. Then use it often.
  9. Remember the baby’s birthday and anniversary.
  10. When you see the parents for the first time after their loss, don’t pretend that nothing has happened. A simple “I’m sorry” goes a long way.
  11. If the parents have other children, offer to watch them to help give the parents time to grieve together.
  12. If there is a memorial service, go. If you feel up to it, offer to man the guestbook, take coats, greet people, drive the couple to and from the church and cemetery, or any other task you can think of that might be helpful. And, if there is a guestbook, sign it. The baby’s parents may not remember everyone they talked to, but they will have that book to remember everyone who cared enough to come.
  13. Recognize that this loss touches not just the baby’s parents and siblings, but the baby’s grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Expressions of sympathy and concern mean so, so much.
  14. If you have children, consider that being around your children might be hard for the parents right now—and maybe for a long time. When you do see them, you may want to arrange for a sitter for your children. Be very gentle and considerate announcing your future pregnancies.
  15. Visit the baby’s grave. And tell your friends that you went. It can be as simple as emailing a photo of the flowers you placed there.
  16. As time goes by, invite your friend to do something together. Don’t be offended if he or she says, “I’m not ready.” Promise that you’ll be there. Then follow through. If you say, “Let’s do lunch sometime to talk,” make sure you actually do lunch.
  17. Give a thoughtful memento, maybe a piece of jewelry for the mother, a statue or an icon, or a rosary with the baby’s name in the beads.
  18. Offer to share your talents. You might know how to design a memorial or birth announcement, be a photographer who could take photos at the hospital of the precious time the parents have with their baby, or–later on–have the ability to create a scrapbook to celebrate the baby’s life.
  19. Ask if you may visit the mother while she recovers. Being stuck in the house during the recovery, knowing that under other circumstances, she might be taking care of a baby, is very difficult and lonely. Offer to stop by and visit. Bring a meal or treat or make tea. And make it clear that she doesn’t need to clean the house for you.
  20. Be there for the parents. They might not know what they need or what they’re ready for. But knowing that their friends are there for them when they need someone will help. Sometimes they may need someone to cry with. Sometimes they may need someone to have fun with. Sometimes they may just need a listening ear. Let the parents know you’re available. And then be available when they reach out to you.

If you’ve experienced the loss of an infant, or if you’ve supported friends and family through that loss, what would you add?

You might also be interested in How we talk about death with our children.

Copyright © 2014 Catholic Review Media

Print Print

Share
Share on Facebook
Share
Share this
Pin
Pin this
Share
Share on LinkedIn

Primary Sidebar

Rita Buettner

View all posts from this author

| Recent Commentary |

Expert discusses serious harms of smartphones for children and how to limit their use

Cupcakes with 2025 graduation toothpicks in them and a bowl of cookies

Our 31-hour Road Trip

St. Paul and discovering that sin is ‘missing the mark’

Six lit candles on a chocolate birthday cake

Making a birthday wish come true

Pilgrims of Hope: Walking the Way of St. Francis in the Year of Jubilee

| Recent Local News |

Archbishop Lori announces clergy appointments, including pastor and associate pastors

DUAL ENROLLMENT

Double the learning: Dual enrollment provides college credit to high school students

St. Mary’s purchases former Annapolis Area Christian School

Radio Interview: Exploring the Nicene Creed – Part Two

St. Clement Mary Hofbauer adapts to times, cultures as it celebrates 100th anniversary

| Catholic Review Radio |

CatholicReview · Catholic Review Radio

Footer

Our Vision

Real Life. Real Faith. 

Catholic Review Media communicates the Gospel and its impact on people’s lives in the Archdiocese of Baltimore and beyond.

Our Mission

Catholic Review Media provides intergenerational communications that inform, teach, inspire and engage Catholics and all of good will in the mission of Christ through diverse forms of media.

Contact

Catholic Review
320 Cathedral Street
Baltimore, MD 21201
443-524-3150
mail@CatholicReview.org

 

Social Media

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Recent

  • Expert discusses serious harms of smartphones for children and how to limit their use
  • Movie Review: Superman
  • Judge blocks Trump birthright citizenship order as part of class action lawsuit
  • Ukraine religious leaders issue ‘desperate cry’ to world to end Russia’s war
  • Pope Leo wears Chicago-made vestments to July 9 ‘care of creation’ Mass
  • Movie Review: Sorry, Baby
  • ICE deports Iowa parishioner to Guatemala homeland as supporters pray for his release
  • Come away and rest awhile
  • French woman hopes sharing mystical encounter with Minnesota Benedictine helps sainthood cause

Search

Membership

Catholic Media Assocation

Maryland-Delaware-DC Press Association

The Associated Church Press

© 2025 CATHOLIC REVIEW MEDIA, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

en Englishes Spanish
en en